


Lightweight

by wackyjacqs



Series: Bizarre Holidays [130]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s04e09 Scorched Earth, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 10:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18776857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wackyjacqs/pseuds/wackyjacqs
Summary: He feels guilty because he knows he’s the reason she is now sitting at the far end of the bar by herself, nursing a glass of white wine.





	Lightweight

**Author's Note:**

> Written for ‘Moscato Day’ (9 May).

He knows Sam can hold her beer better than most, but give her wine and it’s another matter entirely. He’s still to figure out what exactly it is that makes her react differently to the alcohol, but it is always the wine that makes her lose the formalities and say what’s really on her mind as she leans towards being drunk.

He still remembers vividly the first time he’d to help his then-captain home following a team night out, when – at Daniel’s insistence – they drink wine instead of beer. After that, however, Jack had known Sam to try and stick to beer. The only exception seemed to be whenever the team had a particularly bad mission and she wanted an evening to try and forget the horrors they’d witnessed.

The reminder is like a stab in the chest and he feels guilty because he knows he’s the reason she is now sitting at the far end of the bar by herself, nursing a glass of white wine.

He had his suspicions that he would find her here. Over the past year they’ve both, separately, somehow managed to discover this rundown just-out-of-town bar, yet they always seem to turn up within an hour of each other, on the same evenings, and always after everything is FUBAR. So, they’ll drown their sorrows for a while but yet find that one of them is always still miraculously sober enough to drive the other safely home.

He debates over whether he should approach her or not and instead finds himself occupying one of the stools at the opposite end of the bar and signals for a beer. He takes his time drinking it and just observes. The way her brow is permanently creased or the way her eyes darken every-so-often or the way when she finishes her drink, she doesn’t hesitate and immediately signals for another. The guilt returns with a vengeance and he knows that it isn’t going to be an easy ride. He’d ordered her to make a Naquadah bomb – even though he knew she didn’t want to, and even though he knew Daniel had gone back to the ship.

He takes a swig of beer and just as he plucks up the courage to go to Sam, she lifts her head and all he can see are her bright, blue eyes staring. Unflinching. He gives her what he hopes is at least a half-smile but her expression darkens and without looking away, she grabs her wine, jumps off the stool and makes her way towards one of the booths in the far corner. With a wince, he grabs his beer and slowly follows.

“I didn’t see your car out front.”

“I took a cab.”

Her tone is cold, detached but he refuses to let his discomfort show as he slides into the opposite side of the booth and studies her.

“Ah.”

“So, is that why you’re here? To make sure I get home safely, sir?”

“I’m just drowning my own sorrows, actually.”

It’s a half-truth, supported by the snort that escapes Sam, but he chooses to ignore it.

“You talk to Daniel?”

He surprises them both with his question, and Sam’s gaze snaps to his for a moment before she looks away.

“I tried,” she finally admits. “He said he wasn’t ready to listen.”

Jack pulls a face but he can’t quash the frustration he feels rising at Daniel. Okay, so a part of him – with hindsight – can understand why their teammate is angry and upset, but it’s not Carter’s fault. She was only following _his_ orders and the fact that Daniel is blaming Sam for the day’s turn of events fills him with anger.

“Carter –”

_“Don’t,”_ she snaps. “Just... don’t.”

A silence falls over the booth before she reaches forward and takes another drink.

“How many of those have you had?”

“Three.”

“Do you want me to order you a beer?”

“No.”

“Sam –”

“Don’t call me that,” she interrupts, before quietly pleading, “Please.”

He takes in her now tear-filled eyes and nods. Even though he has so much he wants to say to her, he realizes it’s safer to say nothing and sits in silence, waiting as long as it takes for her to finish her drink.

When the empty glass hits the table, he thinks she’s about to order another when his hand shoots out and covers hers. She stares at him and he swallows hard at the mix of emotions in her eyes.

“You don’t want to do this, Carter. Trust me.”

“Trust you,” she repeats slowly. “Is that another one of your orders. _Colonel?_ ”

“Carter –” he sighs, then stops and leans his elbows on the table, but doesn’t let go of her hand. “No. I just – let’s go and get some air.”

When Sam makes no move, he leans back. “Please?”

He releases a breath he doesn’t realize he’s been holding when the major finally pulls her hand away, grabs her purse and jacket and makes her way, a little unsteadily, out of the bar. He stays a couple of steps behind and when the cold air hits them as they step outside, he gestures to the left.

“My truck’s over there.”

She hovers around the front of the vehicle and shoves her hands in her pockets but refuses to meet his gaze.

“Look, Carter –”

“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about the mission, sir.”

“Okay,” he nods. “But –”

“Daniel’s not the only one hurting because of your actions.”

Her words don’t surprise him as much as they should, but the fact that she actually vocalizes the thought, does.

“I’m sorry,” he finds himself saying. “I –”

“Daniel almost died.”

“I know,” he admits, “but –”

“We could have lost him.”

“I screwed up, Carter –”

“And it would have been our fault.”

“I didn’t have a choice. Lotan –”

“You don’t get it, sir,” she fires back suddenly as she steps up to him. “If it had been _anyone_ else – any other commanding officer – I would have fought harder to say no.”

Her words break the silence like a gunshot and all that he hears is her ragged breathing and all he sees is how she’s desperately trying not to fall apart, but he finds himself rooted to the spot, unable to do anything.

“I know it was an order,” she adds quietly, her gaze dropping to his chest, “and that’s a part of my job, but you were the one who gave the order. It was _you._ ”

“Carter, I –”

“I let my personal feelings cloud my professional judgment. Sir.”

The revelation horrifies him because he knows Sam has just revealed the reason for her own guilt. It’s because of _him_. Because she _feels feelings_ for him that she’s not meant to, but he never, _ever_ wants her to feel that he’s putting her in a position where she thinks she owes him something and it’s going to be mistaken as misplaced loyalty.

“Sam – I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I never –” he trails off, not knowing what else to say when she meets his gaze again.

He can see it in her eyes that underneath everything, she understands; and that she wants to forgive him – and a part of her already has because she knows why he asked it of her and she knows it’s her job to follow his orders – but he can also see how she isn’t yet ready to accept what she has done. Because of _him_ and because _he cares about her a lot more than he’s supposed to_ as well.

He reaches for her and she flinches and the move cuts deeper than he ever expected.

“I want to go home, sir.”

“Sure, Carter,” he nods. “I can do that.”

He unlocks the truck and watches as she makes her way around the far side before she opens the door and climbs onto the passenger seat. Closing his eyes, he sighs heavily and hopes that his actions haven’t destroyed his relationship with Carter, but he can’t ignore the nagging feeling that things are about to get a lot, lot worse.

**Author's Note:**

> I know not much happened in this update, nor any real kind of resolution for Sam and Jack, but when you take in the episodes that precede this one – plus the one that comes after – it wasn’t a happy time for our favorite duo, let alone SG-1 as a whole.


End file.
